Why do I fear being alone?

I am a helpless romantic who is afraid of being alone... Although I constantly feel like I am alone, I am just too terrified. Terrified about my future, who I am, and about those around me. The whole reason I feel like I have to prove myself is because no one believed in me when I was a child but now when people say they believe in me... It almost feels empty. I'm surrounded by so many people who care about me but it isn't enough, I still feel lonley. I see people around me and I think, I'm missing the important thing, having more people isn't working. I need something close and next to me not just people surrounding me.

I am reminded of a proverb that goes like this:

"why is snow white?...because its forgotten what color it's supposed to be."

What color am I supposed to be? I don't even feel like it matters anymore because it doesn't matter how I appear to others. Because as long as there is a snowflake next to me, drifting as I do, I'm not alone; and really as snowflakes we are all different in our one subtle ways, no two are alike. Maybe one of these days I wont feel like I'm a single snowflake, maybe I will feel like I'm part of a snow fall. All making up the snow that covers the ground on Christmas morning, thats part of the meaning of winter, of a family clustered around a hearth, never alone.

Lately I've been hearing about this thing called "reform" maybe I should get me one of those? It may be good to try something new.

-the hopeless ramblings of Sharad Richardet